Do You Know What I Hate?

The views in this column are those of Dalton Snr, they are not necessarily or even likely to be shared by JamieDalton82.

A quotation worth noting before reading my ran... I mean views is

Do not hold or punish the son, for the sins of the father

Bear it in mind, eh?

My name is Jim Dalton, long time football fan (Celtic first, Arsenal second) sometime father of Jamie and often described as 'The cross he has to bear'.

I have opinions.

These opinions  are rarely the same as Jamies,

I find he gets bogged down with facts and figures and evidence... facts, schmacts  (not to be confused with that useless slimy headed knob in the 29 shirt)

I have always believed the world deserves my opinions despite it having rarely shown any real inclination or interest in what they are.

My TV set is fully briefed and cognisant of what they are, as I shout them loudly and usually profanely at it on a regular basis.

Jamie, who I love dearly often gets described as “A nice lad, just not a bright lad”,

To be fair it is always me doing the describing, but I stand by my assessment and adhere to the code, “Never explain, Never apologise”, in fact I am thinking of having a family crest designed with this as a motto.

Jamie has kindly allowed  me  to voice my 'wonderfully rounded and formed pearls of wisdom ( like he had a choice )  

Now you can help him bear that cross.


D'you know what I hate?

Bloggers and podcasters whining and tubbyboohooing that their star player, the man who should not be named and the ONLY footballer in the world that can save their team has gone somewhere else.

He's gone, it's done, nobody died and you got a f*ck off wedge of money for a player who had performed to his potential for less than 20% of his time with you.

It's a tough sell when the third best Club in the Premier League has to face up to the fact they are a selling club BUT, this is likely to be a transitory thing. Arsenal survived and thrived for the previous 126 seasons without 'He who must not be named', they have lost bigger and better players, christ! He's not close to the best Dutch player of this decade, let alone best player in the world.
STFU and get a grip the lot of you.

D'you know something else I hate? That f*cking stripe on the arm of the new shirt, wtf? And more importantly Who the f*ck thought that would be an idea?

This is a classic idea, how to restyle a classic design and makes the classic mistake of believing you actually CAN improve perfection.

 Would you buy a Ferrari, respray it pink, stitch your name and the name of your current squeeze  into the replacement Recaro Rally seats you thought would be a an idea and add spinning f*cking wheeltrims?

Only if you are a monumental twat you would.

The  cocknockers responsible for this abomination should be repeatedly punched in the face at 3pm on Saturday afternoons or whatever bloody time kickoff is these days.

One last thing for now  that I hate, grounds playing music after a goal has been scored, what are we, seven?

I know when something exciting has happened, the loud screaming from forty thousand Herberts close by was a clue, I've been facing the pitch and I know which way my team are playing, so I'm quite sure I know when to get excited and maybe give out a muted 'Huzzah' and heartily shake the hand of the fellow next to me, either that or I may go bat shit mental, scream like a loon and jump up and down, although the crappy plastic, arse numbing seats we're shoe horned into may restrict that somewhat.

The seat thing can wait for another day, otherwise my piss will get boiled all over again.

Part 2: 11/10

Ok, I won't bore you to much with to many details, the main reason is to fill space on the blog and pad it out, ( Ah! Just been informed by Jamie, it's to offer opinion diversity, quality informed voices of differing age and perspective)... like I said, padding.

Post Olympics, when so much decency and heroic effort was rightly rewarded and recognised, watching loathesome and pathetic cheats like Suarez and Bale really boils my piss!

What I hate as much, is the near free pass chimpy boy gets, whilst part time racist, part time goalkeeper Suarez gets pelters. Suarez may have done the most useless dive since Stephan Feck in this years Olympics, but serial cheat and most yellow carded for simulation, the lovely GB is every single bit as bad.

Hate it, hate them.

Whilst Alan Davies rightly rails agin the wearing of shorts by coaches and managers, the wearing of Baseball caps is every bit as unacceptable. It don't matter whether you are in the ninth level of the football pyramid or watching your eleven year old on a Sunday morning, no! Just no!

The fact that one total plum thinks in the worlds best league, (yeah, okay) it should go without ridicule is preposterous. Call him on it, songs should be sung about it.

There are many things to dislike about Stoke, many, many but that cap is beyond the pale, sort it out Pulis! |you're a slappy, you know it, we all know it stop twatting about.

Now the one that is grinding my gears and teeth nearly as badly, Gervinho's goal celebration... stop it.. just stop it.

The fact that you possess the worlds highest forehead is going to cause some mild ribbing, but celebrating like the England team at a 1938 friendly or more recently Paulo 'Dick' Canio at his beloved S.S. Nazio is going to cause far more serious issues for you.

You must have seen what you look like, just how ridiculous can one man cope with, christ it's even more embarrassing than Bale making the shape of a bumhole every time HE scores. ( really easy joke avoided)

I don't care what YOU think it says, in the immortal words of Heaven 17 '(We don't need this) Facist Groove Thang.

With the generally good start to the season for both Arse and my beloved Celtic and with AFKAR* beaten by the lowest team in Scotland, I don't hate quite so much at the minute, but after Scotland play Wales and the inevitable humiliation, orchestrated by that charm and idea vacuum that is Levein, I will be back to vent soon.

* Arseholes formerly known as Ragers.